Placement Ceremonies

Placement Ceremonies

Here at Adoption Services, we are seeing an increasing number of open adoptions.  This usually involves the birthparents taking an active role in the selection of the adoptive family, and developing an ongoing relationship with the child and their new parents.  Many of our birthparents request some sort of ceremony where they physically and symbolically place their child in the care of the adoptive parents.  These are often very emotional, but can be comforting and healing to all parties.  

The following excerpt about “Entrustment Ceremonies” is from The Open Adoption Experience, By Lois Ruskai Melina and Sharon Kaplan Roszia, 1993. 

“Rituals are needed in adoption because adoption creates new relationships and new family units.  In open adoption, where the birthparents will remain involved with the child, the exchange of roles must be clearly understood by everyone.  Furthermore, because adoption is often a bittersweet experience, rituals help people express their emotions and help them heal.”

“In adoption, the legal process ending the birthparents’ parental roles often happens separately from the process that makes the child a part of the adoptive family.  Furthermore, the actual transfer of parental roles often happens months before the adoption is finalized, so it is important to create a ceremony that clearly defines the changes that are taking place in both the birth and the adoptive families.  After an entrustment ceremony, there is no doubt that the birthparents intend to have these particular adoptive parents raise their child.  Birthparents can feel that this part of their experience has ended and they are able to proceed with the process of healing.  Adoptive parents can assume their parenting role with confidence.”

“The ceremony might begin with an opening statement of purpose, along with a song, prayer, or reading.  The birthparents would then make a statement expressing their feelings.  This could include their hopes for their child, their reasons for the placement, their reasons for choosing the adoptive couple, and how they see their ongoing role in the child’s life.”

If this is something you would like to add to your adoption plan, here are some possible scripts for your ceremony:

Agency Ceremony

This is an example of an “Adoptive Placement Ceremony” hosted by an agency.  It was taken from Adoption: Philosophy and Experience, By Randolph W. Severson, 1994. 

 “ADOPTIVE PLACEMENT CEREMONY”  

On this 1^st day of November, 1991, Timothy and Elizabeth are receiving Alexander into their family.

We are gathered here today to celebrate this addition to Timothy and Elizabeth’s family.  This important and joyous occasion has special meaning for many people.

We wish to acknowledge the birthmother, Caitrin, whose love for this baby directed her decision and plan.

We are grateful to the foster parents, John and Michele Jones, and their children, Robert, Michael, Melissa and Joy, who loved and cared for Alexander while he was in their home.

We celebrate with Timothy and Elizabeth, who are assuming the most important role and responsibility of life, that of being parents to a child.

We welcome family members and friends who are here to offer their support to Timothy and Elizabeth, and to share in their happiness of having Alexander join their family.

We at the agency wish your newly expanded family health and happiness.  You will share many things as a family; the most important of these is love.

Timothy and Elizabeth we wish you well in your new vocation as parents of Alexander.  

This has more of an emphasis on the adoptive family and the child.  However, the book goes on to explore more of what the birthparents may be feeling, and suggests:  

“After this moment, the child will truly be twice born, born not only from the bodies of his biological parents but from the spirit of his adoptive parents as well.  So, who could expect the birthparents to do anything but cry, with tears streaming down if not their faces then in the quiet places of their hearts?”

“Can anything be done to make this walk less lonely?  On the practical level, obviously.  Birthparents can be encouraged to bring some friends or family; workers can be sensitized to reach out not only to share in the joy but also to feel the grief and pain as well.  And someone can always say something.”

“The words came at the end after the official words and actions were all said and done.  Holding the child in her arms, the adoptive mother asked the birthmother if they could pray together and then taking the birthmother’s hand in her own, putting her own hand over it and then clasping it to the child, she prayed in a voice full of life and joy and wisdom:

“Dear Lord, who has blessed my family today with joy and love that truly is surpassing, bless this woman, too, for though I cannot understand” – and then she gazed deep into this ‘other woman’s’ eyes – “your pain, your grief at having to give away this child, God in his infinite wisdom knows it, shares it, feels it and I hope I can feel it someday too and I know he will heal us both and in healing us heal our child who is not really our child at all but who is His, whom he gives to us because he loves us, as we must learn to love one another.”

This book has an excellent chapter on “Thoughts Upon a Placement Ceremony” that explores the different emotions and grief that happen with adoption. 

 Religious Ceremony