What is adoption?
Adoption is a legal process in which you, as a parent, terminate or end your legal rights to your child and a new set of parents takes on the responsibility of raising your child. You continue to keep all your rights to your child until a termination of parental rights (TPR) court hearing.

What is TPR?
Termination of Parental Rights. This is a court hearing in which you state in front of a judge your request to terminate your parental rights to your child in order to place him/her for adoption. This hearing is very important. Once you have had your TPR hearing and the courts have accepted your relinquishment, you have no legal rights to your child. For more information on the seriousness of TPR, go to Termination of Parental Rights under the law section.

Different types of Adoption
Within adoption, there are generally five different types of placements. Each type breaks down the relationship and communication that happens between the birthparents, adoptive parents, adoptee, and the agency or legal party handling the adoption plan.

1. Open Adoption
   Open adoption is defined as an adoption plan that has within it an ongoing relationship between the birthparents and adoptive family. This means that both parties have exchanged identifying information and have contact with each other either through letters, pictures, phone calls, or even visits. The extent of communication in an open adoption is dependent on those involved. Typically there is discussion between the birthparents and adoptive parents prior to the placement regarding the type of relationship that will take place. All proposals for the relationship are done as a "Goodwill" agreement. This means that it can not be legally upheld by the state, and it is based solely on the faith and trust of those involved.
2. Semi-Open Adoption
   A Semi-open adoption is one step down from open adoption regarding contact. In a semi-open adoption, the birthparents and adoptive parents meet; however, they do not exchange identifying information. There may be on ongoing contact between the two parties, but it's typically less often, and it is facilitated by the placing agency. This means that a birthparent may receive letters about their child, but it first goes to the agency, they remove any identifying information, and then forward it on. Semi-open adoption offers a birthparent reassuring information about the family their child is with, while at the same time offering some distance from the day to day thought of their decision.
3. Semi-Traditional Adoption
   For a birthparent that wants to be sure that their child is going to a healthy, happy home, but not be directly involved with the new family, a semi-traditional adoption may be appropriate. This type of adoption allows the expectant parents to look through a number of "profiles" of couples that are waiting to adopt. All couples have been studied by the agency, and are approved to legally adopt. Once an expectant parent finds a couple they feel "fits" with their child, the agency will notify the couple that they have been chosen. There is no contact between the adoptive parents and the birthparents, and no exchange of identifying information.
4. Traditional Adoption
   A traditional adoption offers complete confidentiality. At no time is there any identifying information given to either the birthmother or the adoptive couple about each other. Generally this involves a mother making a parenting decision to place her child for adoption, and allows the agency to take it from there. The agency will pick adoptive parents from their approved, waiting couples, and the baby will be placed with them.
5. Independent Adoption
   Independent adoptions are becoming more prevalent as we see the effect of the internet on adoption. This type of adoption occurs when the birthparents and adoptive parents find each other, on their own, without the help of an agency. The birthparents and adoptive parents may find each other through the internet, a common friend or neighbor, a church group, or maybe a personal ad. At this point, they need to find an agency that will facilitate the adoption to make sure it is regulated by state law. Generally they already have the status of a semi-open adoption, and the extent to which the relationship grows depends on those involved.

If you are considering adoption for your baby, you should carefully research the different types that are available. It is important to find the relationship that will work best for you, your child, and both of your futures. You can learn more about these different adoptions, and the relationships that can come about from them by visiting our archives.

Why do women choose adoption?
There are many different reasons why someone may choose an adoption plan for their child. We all have different life situations that contribute to our decision making process. Perhaps you may have always had a dream about what it would be like when you were pregnant, and become a mother, and this just isn't it. It's ok to have feelings like this. Sometimes life doesn't always lead us in the direction we planned.

Circumstances that may influence an adoption plan are your age, status in school, career path, marital status, values and upbringing, or social pressures. A woman's dreams do indeed play a big role in her decision to place her child; perhaps she can not imagine achieving her goals while raising a child. Perhaps she is certain that her child needs to be in a two-parent home, and she is unable to provide that. All of these circumstances affect the way a woman sees her child being raised. If she feels she is unable to provide the best life possible for her child, she may turn to adoption as a loving parenting plan.

The very fact that you are researching different possibilities for your baby already means that you are being a responsible parent. Adoption is a parenting plan; if you should choose adoption, you must never forget that you have acted as a parent. You made your decision out of love, and you have truly earned your title as "Mother" to your child.

Think about these questions
When facing an unplanned pregnancy, there are many things to think about. If you're not sure what you're thinking of doing to plan for the birth of this baby, the following questions may be helpful. Print out this page, Making A Parenting Plan, and think about the questions. We are confident that you will begin to see, after really thinking about these questions, what the right choice is for you and your baby.
Everyone is different; you need to make a choice that you can comfortably live with. The choice you make will be the best one for you and your future, as well as the baby inside you and its future.

What about the Birthfather?
The father of your child does have rights, and if you are thinking about an adoption plan for your baby, he can not be left out of the decision. A child can only be eligible for adoption if both of his/her parents have relinquished their parental rights. A father has every legal right to parent his child. Because of this right, he must sign the same petitions as you have, stating that he would like to terminate his parental rights. This can be done in a couple of different ways. Review the specifics of TPR in the law section to understand how the birthfather must participate.

What do I need to know about the laws on adoption?
Each state has very specific laws on adoption. The following is only true for the state of Wisconsin (where our support group has originated). Please be sure to check, and thoroughly go over, your State's laws with an adoption social worker.

	The Specifics About A TPR Hearing A women who wants to place her child for adoption needs to sign legal papers petitioning the state (in which she lives) to terminate her parental rights. At this point, the alleged father can voluntarily sign the petitions, admitting paternity, and allow the adoption plan to proceed. If the alleged father is unsure of his paternity, but is willing to allow the child to be adopted, he can sign a different petition stating that he does not admit paternity, but acknowledges the possibility and accepts the placement of the child through adoption. With either one of these petitions signed, the father is not required to be present at the actual TPR hearing. If the father of the child is unknown, the state requires a public legal notice to be published in the local newspaper where conception took place, or the town of the last known address of the father. This notice is to advise the father to come forward, so he can sign the necessary papers. If no father comes forward, the state of Wisconsin has the legal authority to terminate his rights for him. At this point, the courts will schedule a hearing to terminate parental rights. This hearing can not be any later than 30 days after the legal papers have been filed with the court. Within these 30 days, or before the court hearing, a mother continues to hold all legal rights to her child. This time period is very important for a perspective birthmother; it allows her time to review all her options to make sure that an adoption plan is the right thing for her and her baby. During this time, you have the choice of where your child will stay. The agency you are working with may provide short-term foster care for your child, or the option to place your baby directly with the perspective adoptive parents is available. During the time before your TPR hearing, since you are still legally the mother, you may see your baby at anytime when they are in foster care. If you are uncomfortable with placing your baby in short-term foster care, you may keep the baby with you until the TPR hearing. At the TPR hearing, there is a Guardian ad Litem (GAL), who is an attorney representing the needs of the child being placed for adoption. If a mother is under 18, she will also have a GAL to represent her. There will also be a presiding Judge (who makes the final decision), and the adoption social worker you have been working with. Your family, or any support persons you would like, is also allowed to be present. It is the Judges responsibility to make sure that the birthparents realize the finality of their decision to terminating their parental rights. Most judges will ask a mother to state in her own words what termination means, and why she has chosen to place her child for adoption. At the end of the hearing, the judge will make a decision on whether he/she will accept the petition to terminate the parents rights. Many birthmothers have said that the TPR hearing was the most difficult part of their adoption experience. It is very formal, straightforward, and cold. The judge asks you many personal questions, and it takes a lot of courage to make it through this part of the process. It is common to get emotional when you are on the stand answering the judge's questions. This is to be expected, but know that the decision to grant the petition is all up to the judge. Some judges have been known to stop the hearing and ask the mother to come back at a later date, giving her more time to think about her choices. Should you feel uneasy while you are on the stand at your TPR hearing, you are allowed to ask for more time - there is no rush. Remember, there is no turning back after the TPR is final. We must not forget that adoption is a legal process. This hearing has to be done. To be better prepared, make sure to do a trial run through of a TPR with your adoption worker before your hearing. It will make you more comfortable if you know the process, the questions, and what to expect.
	What If Only One Of Us Wants To Terminate Our Rights? The state will not terminate the rights of only one parent. If a mother and father do not agree on termination, a hearing would be made to determine custody and child support matters. If a mother is certain of her inability to parent appropriately at this time, but the father will not allow termination of parental rights in order to place the child for adoption, the mother has the right to refuse custody of the child. If you need further information on this type of situation, please Contact Us.
	Can I Change My Mind? Generally speaking, once you have had the TPR hearing, and the Judge has granted relinquishment, you can not change your mind and get your baby back. The only exception to this is when a legal error has taken place. A birthparent has 30 days to return to court after the TPR hearing has taken place to request a new hearing due to legal error. A new hearing is only allowed if there is evidence that proves a legal error has taken place during the planning of the adoption placement. An example of a legal error would be if a mother was inadvertently bribed to place her child for adoption. Were you promised a car if you gave your baby to a specific couple that was waiting for a child? Did someone promise you they would pay your way through college if you placed your child for adoption? These are very serious accusations. If a birthparent feels that this type of legal error has happened to them, they must have concrete evidence to support their suspicions. If a birthparent simply feels that they didn't know what they were doing when they terminated their parental rights, it may also be considered a legal error. Again, this must occur no later than 30 days after the TPR hearing; any date past those 30 days is null and void. However, this misunderstanding would be very difficult to prove to any Judge. There are an endless number of papers that a birthparent signs before the TPR hearing that states their knowledge of their legal action by terminating their parental rights. In addition to this, there is a record of your statements at the TPR hearing, stating (often in your own words) that you understand exactly what you are doing. For more information about this matter, please Contact Us, or a local adoption attorney.
	Can I Get Money Or Gifts For Making An Adoption Plan? An expectant mother is allowed to get monetary help from perspective adoptive parents when she is making an adoption plan, however, there are very strict regulations on what is legal. The following is a list of acceptable expenses:

Pre and post adoptive counseling for an expectant/birthmother or alleged birthfather

Maternity clothes for the mother (within a reasonable amount). Local transportation expenses for the expectant parent(s) related to the pregnancy and adoption.

Adoption agency services.

	Medical and hospital care of the mother and child related to the birth and pregnancy. (This does not include lost wages or living expenses of the mother.)
	Medical and hospital care received by the child.
	Legal services of the parent(s) or child in connection with the adoption.
	Expectant mother's living expenses up to $1,000 if necessary to protect the health and
	welfare of the mother or child.
	Birthing classes.
	Foster care costs if adoption is the parenting plan enacted by the parents.
	Formula, diapers, and other reasonable baby expenses if adoption is the parenting plan, and the new mother is caring for the child until relinquishment.
	Gift to the new mother in an amount no greater than $50

Any money or gift given to the expectant parent(s) must be recorded, and should go through a third parting, such as the agency you are working with.

Will My Child Have Access To Information About Me? After your TPR hearing, you have the option of signing an affidavit giving the state your permission to release information to your child when they are old enough to receive it. An adopted child (in the state of Wisconsin) may have access to the medical information of their birthfamily (which you have provided) when they turn 18. When the child turns 21, they may have full identifying information of the birthparents that were originally on their birth certificate. Again, this is only if you have signed the affidavit allowing this. An adopted child is the only person who can request this information from the state. Prior to the child's adulthood, the information may have been given to the adoptive parents by the agency that arranged the adoption. However, this would depend on the type of adoption that was originally arranged, or if medical records were needed for an emergency purpose. This is not true of all adoption agencies. To check if the agency has given the adoptive family any identifying information about you, simply call them and they can let you know.

Can I Ever Find My Child? Generally speaking, down the road you will have a good chance at finding a child you placed for adoption years ago. There are many different ways you can search for a child you placed for adoption. Since the face of adoption is changing rapidly, more and more people are open to finding one another. There are many support groups that help those within an adoption cope with the different issues that arise with a search. The following addresses and websites are helpful in pointing you in the right direction for an adoption search. Search Sites Volunteer Search network at www.vsn.org International Soundex Reunion Registry at www.plumsite.com/isrr Coalition for Adoption Registry Ethics at www.reunionregistry.com Concerned United Birthparents at www.cubirthparents.org National Adoption Information Clearinghouse at http://naic.acf.hhs.gov

Talk to another Birthmother
We currently have a list of birthmothers who are willing to share with women, who are thinking about adoption, the experiences they have had. If you would like to be in contact with a birthmother mentor, please Contact Us.

Who to contact
If you're experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, and you think adoption might be the right parenting plan for you and your baby, you should speak with an adoption worker who can further assist you. We know that this is a big decision to make, and there is a lot of information to gather. We can be helpful to you by going through the adoption information you need to know, and by reexamining your parenting options, should that be what you choose. It's your choice.
You can contact Adoption Services and the Birthparent Forum three different ways
1. Call toll free 1-888-686-0443
2. E-mail us your name and address for an information packet at info@birthparentforum.org
3. Post an anonymous message on the "Unexpectantly Expecting" Forum topic and someone will respond immediately.